Eight Pee Emm I Hate You

Eight Pee Emm Sucks! 8:00pm is exactly the right amount of time away from supper that you get the muchies, but too close to bed time to eat without feeling guilty. 8:00pm only offers chips, dips, candy, salt, sugar, or empty carbs… or all of these. 8:00pm sucks! I loathe you 8:00pm.

I can usually go the whole day on track and doing what I should be dong (or at least half assing it), but as soon as 8:00pm hits those craving come in full swing. The worst part about it? I’m way too tired to just keep my strength up and not give in. But too proud of my youth or flickering youth to just go to bed. Like I could sleep when those cravings come! So, I eat a dollar’s worth of five cent candies. Okay, okay, it’s more like three dollars’ worth.  Urgh! Not every night, but every night I wanna. Where does this even come from? Once again proof that food, especially sugar in my case, is addictive.

Today is scratched, gotta start clean tomorrow and that’s about all you can do. That and curse 8:00pm and everything you do to me

I Went to the Pool and I Took My Stretch Marks With Me

I did something I never thought I would again, I went to the pool. Why I never thought I wouldn’t go there again has nothing to do with my like or dislike of public water, I know that’s an issue with some. My issue with the pool is my issue with my self-image. The kids have been asking for a while now to go, and I even got Baby Farrah a swim suit which she grew out of before I grew the courage to take her.

I decided on Friday I was no longer going to let how I feel about myself hold me back from doing something. So, for lack of a better and more accurate saying, I said “screw it”. Bought the next size up swim suit for Farrah, and took the kids to the pool. I’m not there to pick up men or to impress other women or to enter Miss Hot Mama Swim Suit Edition. I am there to enjoy the splishing and the splashing and the laughing. Also, to experience Farrah’s first trip to the pool and FYI- she loved it! Not only did she love it, she stayed in for two hours without a peep. I thought that was so impressive the next day I packed up the kids and we went again, for another two hours.

Think of all the things you are missing out on because of fear. I’m not talking about anything dangerous like jumping out of a plane, which I would never-ever-ever-no-way-not-for-a-million-bucks do. Just in general. Have you ever skipped out on an evening of fun because you were having a “fat” day? Or didn’t stand-up and speak your mind when you saw an injustice? Or didn’t return your under-cooked chicken because you didn’t want to upset anyone? Why are you putting the most important person in your life (that’s you) second or third or even last? Don’t you deserve to go to the pool in your bathing suit? And if someone stares and gawks (which they won’t) shouldn’t you then hold your shoulders even higher and show that it doesn’t bother you? You deserve to enjoy everything in life without worrying about what other people are thinking.  I mean really, what are they going do? Excuse me lady, you have far too many stretch marks and cellulite for this pool. Hellz no! Plus, I'm pretty sure stretch marks help you be seen from the bottom of the pool if you are drowning and cellulite makes you float... But don't quote me on that. lol

Mother's Day New Appreciation

Farrah is 6 months old today! I know! where did the time go? It’s hard for a mom to see her little baby grow up and I can only imagine how much harder it gets. Each day she gains more skills and needs me less and less. Don’t get me wrong she is nowhere near independent and she is nowhere near not needing her mommy, but every time she learns a new skill I have mixed feelings. Excitement about how smart she is and how amazing it is to see her eyes light up when she does something so minimal yet so monumental to her. Then there’s sadness that she is getting so big and time is flying by. Makes you realize what your mom went through and gives you a new appreciation for her strength.

I will be reminded of this Sunday, Mother’s Day. I may be celebrating, or hopefully getting super pampered, as a new mom but I will be doing so thinking of my mom and all the emotional struggles she had raising my brother and me. Though you’d never know it by looking at my mom, she keeps a tough shell, I’m sure I broke her a few times. Mind you by the time I finally moved out I think she was pushing me out the door and rolling out the floor plans to turn my room into a sewing oasis. She did make sure I knew there was always a bed and a fluffy pillow for me, which I laid my head down on more than a few times, for more than an extended stay.

Thanks for everything Momma, I understand. (and this big girl will always need her mommy)

So you ask, what's been keeping me so busy?

Keith Urban’s Days Go By has been playing on repeat in my head lately. I didn’t intend to put aside or forget or neglect my blog for the last two months, it just kinda happened. So I apologize to my followers, I will pledge to try a lot harder in the future. When I started this blog my goal was to do at least 2 posts a week plus The 30 Beauty Project. Well, I have definitely missed that goal, by a lot. I will let you in on what’s been occupying my time and keeping me so busy.

A lot of you know I am a new mom to a beautiful-growing-too-fast-six-month-old girl and that is a full time job on its own. Some of you may also know I am a fairly new wife, married just over a year ago, to Chad, and that is also a full time job. Many of you know my husband has three kids from a previous marriage, so I am also a step-mom to a 10, 8, and 6 year old. Two girls and a boy. Just over two months ago the three of them came to live with us, a full time job plus overtime. I am not complaining, not in the least. When you have a relationship with someone with kids there is always the possibility that the kids will live with you. In our case, there was always the hope they will come to live with us. Keeping course with the rate of Chad and my relationship the kids came very suddenly.

One evening Chad received a call no parent ever wants, it was from the police department in the town the kids used to live in. Chad is a speaker phone junkie and always talks on speaker, so I overheard the convo. The police said “Mr. Colbourne? Are you the father of such and such and such?” And that’s when your stomach explodes into the fit of angry butterflies. More like little caterpillars crawling and gnawing your insides. You let out that gasp; you know the one, reserved for only the truly horrific life events. The cop quickly says “the kids are alright” (you should’ve opened with that) and goes on to explain what happened that evening.

I’ve thought about it long and hard and wrestled with my mind and I have decided I will not go into detail on what exactly happened. Since working in the media, I am very aware of the consequences of putting that kind of information on the internet, and I don’t mean for myself, I mean for the kids. I believe everyone should be given a second chance, even if I don’t believe they deserve it. Everyone should be given the chance to apologize and figure out a way to put their life back on track. And publically embarrassing someone, which is what it would also be and although I think they deserve it, really would worsen the situation, not make it better. I hope one day apologies will be made and the kids can forgive, and have a relationship with their mom. I would never want to embarrass the kids in anyway, though they did nothing wrong and have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. I also didn’t give out their names, though people who know us can kinda put two and two together. Also, people who know us already know the full story. Sorry to those curious minds that don’t, I just feel this is the right thing. So let me just say the kids were removed from the house by social services and placed in our care. We have since gone to court and have been awarded custody.

So as you can imagine, I have been quite the busy mom. Now that things have settled some and routines have been put in place I can devote time to this blog once again and I intend to. Thanks for sticking it out. If you’re new, thanks for checking it out, I hope you come back. And if you like what you read click the “share” buttons below and share it on your favourite social media sites.

A final, most important note, So many people have helped us over the last two months, we really don’t know how to begin to repay all your love, generosity, and support. Thank you is not enough, though I hope the smiles on the kid faces makes a dent in the repayment.

The 30 Beauty Project: Week 12

I was in the middle

There was no pictures of girls in the middle

Age: 30

Occupation/Passion/What do you do? Stay-at-home Mom

What would you tell your 15 year old self about: (Answer all or as many as you like)

•         Beauty your outer beauty will change over time, as long as you always about to find something true and pure about yourself you will be beautiful.

•         Fashion is not as important as you think, right now it’s all about what you’re wearing to fit in, one day you will learn to fit in because of who you are or that fitting in isn’t as important as it was when you were 15.

•         Boys keep a sense of humour about them and remember they feel just as shy and awkward as you do.

•         Love the first cut is the deepest, you’re right that you never experienced anything like this before, but you’re wrong if you think you never will again or that it will never be better or bigger or stronger or more true and pure

•         Men are just like boys, keep a sense of humour about them and remember they have just as many insecurities as you do.

•         Sex it’s okay to be curious but I cannot stress enough about how you will regret it if you are not ready. You can’t take it back and it will be life changing no matter what.

•         Family learn all you can, they are there to teach you and help you travel through life. They are the one constant in your life that will always be there.

•         Friends will help shape your life and are there for a reason, to help you grow and learn. The good ones will become like family and the bad were there as background players for a reason and a lesson.

•         Body Image you may not be able to see anything positive about yourself at 15 but soon you will grow into yourself. Keep your shoulders high and proud no matter what.

•         Fitness keep playing and having fun and you won’t even notice what you are doing

•         Nutrition help mom in the kitchen and learn a little. You’ll thank me in college when everyone else is eating KD and you’re whipping up a delicious and nutrious meal.

What was the one thing you were scared of when you turned 30?

My youth was gone. And it may be. Now I feel like I’m on a new journey and a new chapter. Hopefully with less drama

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned over the years about beauty?

Beauty is so relevant, what’s beautiful to one person can be ugly to another. As long as you believe you are beautiful doesn’t it matters if anyone else does. You are the observer.

What do you consider beautiful about yourself?

No matter what I always get ready in the morning. Even if I have no where to go, it makes me feel like I did something and I can take on the world. I can be spontaious if someone drops by or I want to go somewhere. I am prepared.

What do you consider beautiful about your best friend, which she may not know about herself?

She is the complete opposite. She can lay around in perfect satisfaction in here PJs and she does it without seeming lazy.

Did you feel you were beautiful at age 10? No I felt my big sister got all the attention and looks

Age 15? Nope, still jealous of the big sis

Age 20? Yes, finally discovered myself and what I was great at and broke out of her shadow, which was never really there and in my head all along.

Do you feel you are beautiful now? Yes

Have you had a moment where you realize beauty may be something other than what the media portrays it as?

I’ve always felt I didn’t look like the girls on TV or in magazines. My hair wasn’t perfect, it was curly and messy. My clothes were perfectly pressed, they were hand-me-downs. I wasn’t tall and thin, but I wasn’t big either, I was in the middle and there was no pictures of girls in the middle

What do you hope your daughter learns about beauty?

I hope she learns she doesn’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations and she doesn’t have to compete with anyone. She only has to live for herself and what makes her happy.

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