The 30 Beauty Project: Week 3

A smile will take you a long way

Every stretch mark from every child carried is beautiful and should be celebrated more. Every age spot says “I’ve made it” and every winkle says “I’ve laughed”

Age: 29

Occupation/Passion/What do you do?

Self-employed/at-home mom

What would you tell your 15 year old self about:

·         Beauty – smiling brings out beauty more than make-up or clothes ever could

·         Fashion- learn what looks good on your body and what you feel comfortable in.

·         Love feels so intense and real the first time, but trust me it is puppy love. Live your life and find out who you are as an individual before committing to anything

·         Men if a guy likes you he will call you. Women hope men play games so they can maintain some self-esteem, but men do not play games. He will shout it from the roof tops if he is into you. Don’t waste your time playing out scenarios in your head on why he isn’t calling.

·         Sex You are too young.

·         Family Are the only ones who will love you unconditionally, remember that when you feel they are a burden or kick, scream, and swear at them.

·         Friends will change, will come, will go. The best one (s) will always be there, picking up the conversation exactly where you left off no matter how long it’s been.

·         Body Image is a lot different than what TV would have you believe

·         Fitness find a sport that is a passion and when you feel like sitting on the couch remember the feeling you had when you were a kid playing that sport, get off your butt, and go play

What are you dreading most about turning 30?                                      

Not having what everyone else has. There’s such a competition to have it all and I see so many people who do. I like to imagine they are just putting on a show and at home they are faced with crippling debt, bratty kids, and a lazy, mean husband. Is that wrong?

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned over the years about beauty?

A smile will take you a long way. Everyone looks more beautiful with a smile on their face and a twinkle in their eye.

What do you consider beautiful about yourself?

My smile

What do you consider beautiful about your best friend, which she may not know about herself?

Her smile and her confidence

Did you feel you were beautiful at age 10? I don’t think I knew or cared about being beautiful

Age 15? No, I felt awkward

Age 20? Yes

Do you feel you are beautiful now?

Yes, but not in the same way I thought I was beautiful when I was 20.

Have you had a moment where you realize beauty may be something other than what the media portrays it as? Describe that moment please.

I realize now that women are not stick figures with the hair perfect and their make-up flawless. Every stretch mark from every child carried is beautiful and should be celebrated more. Every age spot says “I’ve made it” and every winkle says “I’ve laughed”.

What do you hope your daughter learns about beauty?

The key is in you, it’s your confidence. If you are down in the dumps and can’t find anything to love about yourself, call your mom. I’ll have a million and one reasons why you’re beautiful and you only have to believe one to get that smile back.

If you would like to take part in The 30 Beauty Project I'd love to hear your responses to these questions. Copy these questions and email me theothersideofbeauty@gmail.com or CLICK HERE for more info. I'll never use your name and it's a lot of fun!

Week 1 Responses
Week 2 Responses

Too Much Focus on Fashion?

The glitz and glam of The Oscars have just started to drizzle down as noon approaches on the day after and what are we all talking about? The performances? Not really. The upsets? Sure, like The Artist seriously won?!?!?! That French dude in it beat out Cloney? Really? Well… actually can any of us say we saw The Artist? Nope. Can any of us say we are gonna watch The Artist? Nope. So really who are we to say it wasn’t the best film and hey, maybe not saying anything at all is more difficult than being super dreamy. I think we all felt it was George’s time, guess it wasn’t. For those upset at Meryl Streep for taking home her third Oscar, think of this, she’s been nominated 17 times and only won 3. That’s a terrible record and horrible odds.

But really what us women, and some men, are talking about today and for days to come is the fashion. What the stars were wearing, who looked stunning and who looked what the f*ck was she thinking, the surprisingly beautiful and the surprisingly fugly. About a week before the awards I caught an interview with Reese Witherspoon. She was on one of the daytime talk shows promoting her new movie, and was complimented on her always stunning red carpet attire. Reese being the polite southern girl, of course sad thank you but went on to say (and I’m paraphrasing) that she thought it was sad that there are so many talented and intelligent actresses in Hollywood, yet we seem to only focus on what they are wearing, not on their performance. They make the red carpet entrances as big, if not a bigger deal than the actual awards. Sometimes those red carpet shows last longer than the actual awards. She said it was a shame because we almost take away from the actresses’ talent by focuses on their hair, make-up and dresses.  So why is it when we have so many wonderful female performances we choose to talk about what they were wearing?

The answer is the big green monster that lives in all of us, jealousy. We want to bring the actress who has everything, who has the perfect life, with all the fame, fortune, 20 orphan kids, and a hottie McHottie husband on her arm, down a notch or two. Her hair usually so perfect, today she shows up looking like Johnny Depp styled her hair with big scissors as hands (that would make a great movie). Her dress highlights all her curves, in all the wrong ways or maybe she took some advice from Cher and came with a huge headdress on her head. Whatever the misstep was, we love it! We eat it up! And can’t wait till the next day when the Best & Worst Dressed lists hit the internet so we can see if all the critics agree with our choices. We can snicker a little that we would never leave our house like that, that we’d fire our stylist on the spot. In fact, we wouldn’t get ourselves in that mess in the first place. Nope we are waaaayyyy smarter than that vapid actress. If that were us, we wouldn’t need a stylist. We could totally dress ourselves better than her. Cuz we are just that much better than her and that outfit just proves it.

Now imagine if someone judged your performance at work on your outer appearance. I brought this up before here. Maybe we should try a little harder to celebrate the woman in Hollywood for their performances instead of trying to bring them down for their fashion. Don’t get me wrong I hate the cape Gwyneth Paltrow was wearing, (really they’re bringing capes cc. 1812 Sherlock Holmes back? Why???) but that should be second to her latest performance, not overshadowing it.

The 30 Beauty Project: Week 2

Beauty comes naturally. Don't force it.

If you are happy within, beauty comes naturally

What are you dreading most about turning 30?

I will be 30 in about a month, and I am most scared of all the things I waited to do happening at once. I waited to have kids and buy a house with the man I will spend the rest of my life with. We got the house, and I really want children soon. I'm scared that I waited so long for everything to be right. And that it took till age 30!

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned over the years about beauty?

 Beauty comes naturally. Don't force it.

What do you consider beautiful about yourself?

I love how calm and understanding I have become over the years. And I love my complexion. I'm almost 30 and my skin looks the same as it did when I was 15, minus the pimples.

What do you consider beautiful about your best friend, which she may not know about herself?

Her laugh, which she thinks is dorky. I love to hear her laugh.

Did you feel you were beautiful at age 10?

I don't think I was that aware of myself at age 10.

Age 15?

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. A little too shy, and a little too un-socialized.

Age 20?

I was finally starting to feel comfortable with myself at age 20, but I was always able to see my flaws when I looked in the mirror.

Do you feel you are beautiful now?

I do feel beautiful now, but my own definition of beautiful.

Have you had a moment where you realize beauty may be something other than what the media portrays it as? Describe that moment please.

Yes. Seeing all these beautiful young women cover up their faces with so much makeup. Beauty is being real.

What do you hope your daughter learns about beauty?

I hope that by raising my children in an active household with healthy and delicious food choices, my daughter-to-be will learn that beauty is being happy with yourself. If you are happy within, beauty comes naturally

Want to be a part of The 30 Beauty Project? I'd love to hear your responses to these questions. CLICK HERE I will never use your real name

The 30 Beauty Project: Week 1

Confidence is True Beauty

5 years ago I decided I was going to be beautiful and say thank you when I get a compliment rather than argue that it's true

Age: 30

What would you tell your 15 year old self about:

·               Beauty- natural beauty and confidence is beautiful

·               Fashion- be thrifty and learn to make your own clothes

·               Boys- they are meant to be friends until they are at least 20

·               Love- go for it because even if you hold back it will hurt just as much and when it's right it's so right.

·               Men- they mean exactly what they say and do, if he doesn't call he's not interested, if he doesn't respect you it's because he really doesn't respect you.

·               Sex- wait until you're ready and don't expect much until you have real feelings for someone, and ALWAYS use a condom!

·               Family- they are your best friends when you are done being too cool for them so treat them right. And mom IS always right.

·               Friends- the bad ones will come and go and new ones will fill the void easily.  The good ones are the ones that you never try to impress.

·               Body Image- enjoy it while it lasts and your body is your temple so take care of it.

·               Fitness- so important, I had no idea and gained 80 lbs after high school because I wasn't playing sports and didn't realize how fit it kept me.

·               Nutrition - also very important, even more so than fitness.  I would tell myself to never binge eat.

What was the one thing you were scared of when you turned 30?

 I was scared that I couldn't say I was 20-something ever again, it just sounds so fresh and young.  But 30 used to sound so old to me when I was in my 20's and I had higher expectations of people that said they were 30.

What's the best lesson you've learned over the years about beauty?

 Maintenance is key,  sunscreen and a good night cream are key, and I only know this because I talk to middle aged women all day long and ask them what their biggest regret is and they say they would have stayed out of the sun.  And of course that beauty is all in how you feel; I make "ugly" people beautiful all the time and it's mostly just me boosting their confidence.

What do you consider beautiful about yourself?

 I always feel beautiful and get compliments all the time.  5 years ago I decided I was going to be beautiful and say thank you when I get a compliment rather than argue that it's true.  I feel that my aura is beautiful.

What do you consider beautiful about your best friend, which she may not know about herself?

 A beautiful friendly smile.

Did you feel you were beautiful at age 10? No

·         Age 15? No

·         Age 20? No

Do you feel you are beautiful now? Yes

All the time, I have friends that are super model skinny and I will be approached before them because I am confident and don't walk around with a bitchy look on my face to try look "hot".

What do you hope your daughter learns about beauty?

  I hope she learns that confidence is true beauty. I also hope that she is open with me about herself image issues and that she is strong enough to shrug off mean comments during the rough adolescent stage.  I will tell her she is beautiful and if she has a brother I will give her brother up for adoption if he treats her the same way mine did, lol, just kidding ;)

Want to take part in The 30 Beauty Project? CLICK HERE I will never use your name and you can help a lot of woman by sharing your perspective on beauty. Be sure to check back every Wednesday for a new entry. Thanks for sharing.

The Four Friends That Can Make or Break Your Goals

The Saboteur

The Saboteur can’t live with your success, whether it’s weight loss, higher education, a promotion at work, starting or continuing a family, getting married…. You get it. The Saboteur will not-so-discretely try to bring you down. Let’s take weight loss for example, a Saboteur will tell you how wonderful you’ve done on your diet, maybe she’ll say something along the lines “wow, it’s only been 10 days! You look great. You’ve lost 3 lbs already; why not reward yourself with pizza and wine.” When you protest the Saboteur will say “You deserve it, if you lost 3 lbs in 10 days, just think where you’ll be in 20 days! A little pizza and wine to unwind isn’t gonna hurt you. In fact, it’ll probably help you motivate yourself to work out even harder tomorrow.”

That sounds like some solid logic right there, right? So you indulge. Oh yes! You indulge. And it was a great night, hanging with the Saboteur, girl talk, pizza, wine, laughs and fun! Sure we all do need it sometimes and sure it helps you unwind. But you know how hard the next day is. You jump on the scale and no difference from your indulgence. You still fit into your jeans, which have been looser in the last few days on your diet. You got that “I got away with murder” feeling and you’re loving it! So what happens when the Saboteur texts you to see how the wine is wearing off and all of a sudden, before you can even realize it, you’ve agreed to hit the mall instead of the gym. Hey mall walking is totally exercise. Good enough right? Well now you’re hungry from trying on all those sizes that used to be too small. The Saboteur suggests the food court. And since your jeans still fit and you bought a M/L instead of a L/XL shirt today you do it.

That’s how the Saboteur works. Whether she realizes it or not, she sets out to sabotage your goals. You don’t need a devil on your shoulder when you got her. Every benchmark you hit on your goals, she is there to talk you down a step or two. And you wind up not even blaming her. She gets away with it all because she does it under the guise of being a friend. She pumps up your ego and tells you that you deserve a little fun, she encourages you to be bad and you end up liking it. Until of course the 3lbs you lost in 10 days turns into 5 lbs you gained in 20 days, making you 2 lbs over your starting point. Wanna lose 100+ lbs instantly? Ditch the Saboteur until after you hit your goal.



The Motivator

The Motivator totally means well, sure she’s encouraging, but she always comes off as overbearing. The Motivator gets word of your goals, let's use weight loss again, and starts spamming you inbox with all these “tried and true” diets she’s used in the past, “that totally worked”. She textes you throughout the day to see if you’ve gone to the gym, when you’re going to the gym, how the gym was, and when you wanna go to the gym again. If you let yourself slide a little and you confess this to her you always get the “momma’s very disappointed in you” look. You know it ‘cause your mom gave it to you anytime she “wasn’t mad”.

It always starts out with an invitation, or what she believes is an invitation, from you. Something as simple as, “I’ve been thinking of trying hot yoga”. All of a sudden she’s at your door Sunday afternoon with her Lulu Lemon knock-offs (seriously, who can afford $100 spandex you’re gonna sweat in and get stinky?) and class sign up form in hand, with a I-wanna-smack-that-too-chipper-grin on her face. She says something like “Hey, you know how you mentioned you wanted to try hot yoga? Well, I was reading the paper this morning and saw there was a class in 20 minutes at the local gym- let’s go!” You try to give her the usual stand-by excuses, you got the kids, it’s Sunday, you’re doing laundry… She’s firing back at you with the answers to all your excuses, they offer babysitting, there’s hot yoga with prayer service, and they’ll wash your laundry. What kinda gym is this? Babysitting? Sunday Service? Laundry? I wanna go! Just don’t tell the motivator. So you drag your out of shape butt to the gym and discover Hot Yoga is exactly that- Hot. Yoga. The temperature in the room is hovering around 35C and you can barely keep your head level enough to touch your knees let alone your toes and then lift it in the air in some kinda fancy pose they’ve named after an exotic plant or animal. Ouch!

Like I said, the Motivator totally means well, but wouldn’t you just like to squash her? My advice, keep the motivator around. She’s as annoying as a bum rash but she’ll keep your butt from spreading like a rash across the couch. Maybe sometimes hit ignore when you see her call for the 10th time that day to tell you about these running shoes that “totally made all the difference”.





The Self-Absorbed

The Self-Absorbed friend is just darling, but she could care less about your problems. To keep with the theme, let’s talk weight loss. This person has never experienced a problem such as yours, she cannot relate, and worst of all she chooses not to. She asks you how you’re doing and what’s new and when you tell her about your diet and how you’re working out, you get a response like “Cool, I don’t really see the point in working out or dieting”. Then moves on to tell you all about her life and the to-die-for shoes she just bought that match her belt she bought last week perfectly and she’s thinking of buying the matching jacket but isn’t sure if it’ll go with other outfits in her closet and that may be a waste of money. What do you think?

So you end up having an hour long conversation about her problems. And you know what? They could be more important and life-altering than her attire, but they all sound just as unimportant to you. Not because they are unimportant or trivial, she could be talking about her cat missing which, I totally take seriously. It’s not the subject of her conversation; it’s that it is always about her. Every. Single. Time. It is always about her. She asks “Hi, how are you? What’s new?” not to hear the answer but to use it as a segway into her life because she knows it’ll be followed by, “and you, what’s new?”. Even if she can sympathize with your problems, like your diet, the Self-Absorbed will turn it into her weight issues and her stories on how she wants to lose weight.

The Self-Absorbed don’t want friends, they want response boxes. Someone or thing to agree with them and to keep the flow of conversation by saying, “Ohhh really, then what happened”. The Self-Absorbed can completely unravel you simply by not validating your life and your goals. You hang out with someone who doesn’t care about your weight loss and you start to not care about it either. And to the Self-Absorbed, if you already spent that much money on the shoes and belt, you gotta get the matching jacket. It only makes sense.



The Brain

Yep, The Brain is you. Inside your own head you are all 3 of these negative people to have around when you are trying to reach your goals. Inside your own brain you will sabotage yourself, you will motivate yourself to the point of unrealism, and you will find any subject but the one that is most important to you at the present moment to focus on.

We’ve all done it, after we start seeing result we convince ourselves to go back down the road that got us in trouble. We talk ourselves into eating that delicious juicy cheese burger. And since we broke with the cheeseburger we might as well have some fries… Heck sprinkle some cheese and pour the gravy on that, let’s make it a poutine. I am feeling French today after all.

We’ve been our own worst motivators; we’ve searched online, printed off new work out routines. Picked up the latest copy of Fitness magazine and folded down 10 pages of different diets and different work outs that’ll shed 10 lbs in a month. We spent so much time researching and compiling our new diet and workout routine there’s no way we’ll fail this time. We tell ourselves we’ll work out every single day and we’ll only eat kelp from now on instead of lettuce. That’s what kelp is for right? Does anyone know? We motivate ourselves to the point where we don’t want to do anything. It’s just too much.

Perhaps you’re not self-absorbed; if you’re a woman you are probably constantly helping and serving others. It’s in your nature. However, in all of us lives laziness. It’s your laziness that is self-absorbed. Laziness wants to survive. Laziness sees the end of the world and it’s not going down that easily. It works double, triple, quadruple time to survive. Which is kinda funny considering it’s lazy, ironic really. This part of your brain will have you focus on everything but your goal. Laziness is the procrastinator, the distractor, the part of your brain that’ll convince you you’re not important. Before you know it laziness has taken over, set up camp on your couch and will tell you anything to make you stay.



The Solution

To beat all these, you must find a happy common ground. You need the Saboteur so you don’t lose yourself. The Saboteur will give you a reality check and a reality break. The Motivator will help you along your way. When you’re feeling like you’ve done enough or you don’t even know where to begin the Motivator will be there to help you. And why would you need the Self-Absorbed, you ask? Well, everyone needs a distraction from their life and their problems every once and a while. And, Sunday wouldn’t be Sunday without lazy.


Have you taken part in The 30 Beauty Project? CLICK HERE for more information, I'd love to hear from you and would appreciate your help.

Did Zombies Really Just Teach Me a Life Lesson? I Think So!

***SPOILER ALERT*** If you haven’t read “I am Legend”, I really urge you to stop and do it now. Not because of the zombie craze that’s rolling through Hollywood-land, but because it is so much more than another zombie book. Unfortunately Will Smith and his German Shepard came nowhere near capturing it in the most recent version of the movie. I've thought about the book often since I read it 5 or so years ago (thanks Brother Jord for the reccomendation) and here’s why and I think you’ll learn a little something from it.

What made “I am Legend” the book superior to the movie is the entire reason for the book’s title. The story was gut-wrenching as it explored a humanity we can only hope never comes to be. Our main character, Robert Neville had to witness his neighbours, friends and most importantly family transform into creatures he only heard about in horror stories. In one horrific tale he sneakily buried his wife instead of burning her in a pit, which was required by law and he logically knew was the only way she wouldn’t become a zombie. Yet, he did it anyways, he buried her out of respect for their love, respect for her body, and respect for her life. Well, just like when the cat came back, she showed up at their home, where they shared their lives together, on the door steps that night. Not like the cat, she came as a shell of herself. A scary-living-dead-skin-falling-off-there-to-kill-him shell of herself. Without a care for their love or respect for his life and his body the way he just respected hers. Now that was moving but not what made the book superior to the movie. Which didn’t even explore that, for all we know Will Smith’s wife and child are happily living in Canada or did the helicopter blow-up? I don’t remember… Anyways, back to it. It wasn’t the fact that the zombies in the movie didn’t resemble their former selves. The fact that the movie was missing the all-important former neighbour screaming and taunting Neville late at night “neeevvvillee”. Driving Neville mad, as he can still flash-back to a place where his neighbour was his friend, now that same man tries night after night to coax Neville outside to kill him. Powerful? Yes. But not what made the book far superior to the movie.

What did that is the ending. Robert Neville, our beloved hero who wakes up early every day as the sun rises to stalk the streets, the dark corners, the seemingly empty houses to kill zombies, and he does it all for survival. Not just his own survival, but survival of man-kind. The hope that there is a man-kind left. These zombies, these monsters, these used-to-be friends, family, neighbours, co-workers are his legend. These are the creatures from horror stories told late at night around campfires to scare children. Now these legends are reality. Just as he’s able to wrap his head around that fact, he discovers the zombies have mobilized, they’ve created a civilization, they’ve created government, and they’ve created life after the apocalypse. And here’s the thing, Robert Neville is their legend. He is their monster. He stalks them while the sleep, while they are vulnerable. He seeks them out and he kills them. He is their monster. The book ends soooo powerfully, he remarks to himself as he surrenders to this notion and ultimately dies “[I am] a new superstition entering the unassailable fortress of forever. I am legend”. That is why the book is far superior to the movie. Also, the reason why “I am Legend” is so much more than part of the zombie craze.

It is that realization on Robert Neville part that sends chills through your body and brings you to a new level of awareness. What if I am someone’s legend? What if that person I just cannot get along with and I just cannot find any way of getting along with, or find a resolution to our conflict, is my legend, and I am his/hers.  Asking yourself that very question may be the key to opening up to the other person’s perspective. You may be able to see their motives for survival more clearly. This is not to say your approaches to this person and situations you have been in that have forced conflict are wrong. That you are in the wrong and they are in the right, or you right or them wrong, I have no idea about that. What I am saying is, if you look at things with Robert Neville’s AHA Moment, as Oprah would call it, then maybe you’ll be able to break through that brick wall and find a way resolve the conflict. Or at minimum you’ll be able to grasp a better understanding of the other person’s motivations which may lead to a less abrasive approach on your part. Now, if only both parties of every conflict could reach this Robert Neville AHA Moment at the same time. Ha! Ya… that’s not likely. Regardless, here’s hoping you survive your zombie apocalypse.

If you haven't taken part in The 30 Beauty Project, please take a few minutes and help me by answering some questions. Click HERE for more information.

The 30 Beauty Project

I’ll be 30 at the end of December and I want to hear from the lovely ladies who have turned 30 recently or who are turning 30 soon or even those who are long past turned 30.  I would love for you to take the time to answer some of my questions. I will not use your real name and you can copy the questions and email me your responses, theothersideofbeauty@gmail.com or if you’re not shy reply here.  If you are only comfortable answering a few that’s okay too. I’m hoping every week I’ll be able to have a new woman’s answers on my blog. And if you like my blog- share it, get the world out that we are ready for a new definition of beauty.

Age:

Occupation/Passion/What do you do?

What would you tell your 15 year old self about: (Answer all or as many as you like)

·         Beauty

·         Fashion

·         Boys

·         Love

·         Men

·         Sex

·         Family

·         Friends

·         Body Image

·         Fitness

·         Nutrition

·         Anything else you want to add

What was the one thing you were scared of when you turned 30? Not there yet? What are you dreading most about turning 30?

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned over the years about beauty?

What do you consider beautiful about yourself?

What do you consider beautiful about your best friend, which she may not know about herself?

Did you feel you were beautiful at age 10?

• Age 15?
• Age 20?

Do you feel you are beautiful now?

• If no, when did you stop feeling beautiful or why have you never felt beautiful?

Have you had a moment where you realize beauty may be something other than what the media portrays it as? Describe that moment please.

What do you hope your daughter learns about beauty? Don't have a daughter? What about a young niece or cousin? or granddaughter or daughter-to-be?

Thanks for taking the time and answering my questions. Check in every Wednesday for a new entry.

CLICK HERE for Week 1
CLICK HERE for Week 2
CLICK HERE for Week 3
CLICK HERE for Week 4
CLICK HERE for Week 5
CLICK HERE for Week 6
CLICK HERE for Week 7
CLICK HERE for Week 8
CLICK HERE for Week 9
CLICK HERE for Week 10
CLICK HERE for Week 11
CLICK HERE for Week 12

Perfection

Husband Chad said something to me a week or so back that really resonated, I thought it would be a perfect way to get over the Monday blues of yesterday and restart your week on a positive note. He said “I don’t have to be the best father; I just have to be the best father to Farrah.” So Simple. So True.

A lot of women struggle with being perfect. Not to say men don’t, but it does seem to be more of a woman’s eternal need to please. You’ve probably seen the Canadian Heart & Stroke Foundation’s latest ad campaign urging women to take better care of themselves, get checked out, and reminding women that heart disease is the number one killer of women in Canada. Well in this ad campaign it states, something along the lines of, “she’s so worried about it getting her husband, she forgot about herself.” Take that in life, there are so many times women have sacrificed themselves to better their family, all for the sake of being perfect. An unattainable goal, or is it?

Perfect is a relative term; what’s perfect to you, may not be perfect to someone else and what’s not perfect to one person, may be perfect to you. There we go, back to Husband Chad’s so simple statement, you don’t have to be perfect, just be perfect for your family, for your friends, and for those you love and care about. And here’s the funny thing about it, your family, your friends, and those you love and care about already think you’re perfect or they wouldn’t have you in their lives. If you feel no matter what you do is never good enough and you are hitting a hard wall of criticism, perhaps it’s time to talk to the person who’s standards you feel you’re not living up to. Chances are you’re being too hard on yourself and they don’t realize their criticism is hurting. And if they do know it’s hurting and continue anyways that is a toxic person you don’t need in your life and you don’t need to impress or live up to their unattainable standards. Live for your own standards and make them realistic.

Should you give up on doing the little extra? Going out of your way to make someone’s day or week or month or life special- no. Continue doing it. But when the best laid plans are scattered across your living room floor and you know there is no way you can get 6 hours of rest, let alone 8 and clean it all up, let ‘em lie. Pick it up tomorrow or the next day or the next week. Don’t set the bar lower, keep your standards high, but don’t think you’re not perfect if you let something fall out of order once and a while. Gaud knows I do. I do a lot. But I also know people don’t visit to inspect my housecleaning abilities, they come over to see me and a little of Baby Farrah, (or the more likely scenario, they come over to see Baby Farrah and a little of me), either way if my hair’s a little messy (or more likely a lot messy) and my blemishes are showing, my clothes still a little too tight for beach season, I’m positive they’ll still come back and visit tomorrow and the next day and the next. Probably because the sock I left lying on the floor, with the other 10 clothing items, is comforting to them. A reminder that not everyone’s perfect, but everyone’s perfect to the ones who love them.

Unplugged Time

Working on my fitness has proven to be a near impossible feat with three kids and a baby at home this week. Actually, working on almost anything is a near impossible feat. Basically, my fitness routine has been getting woken up by the too-happy-in-the-morning-to—truly-be-my-child and then waking up the three too-grumpy-in-the-morning-not-to-be-my-children and that's when the cooking –cleaning routine begins. Gotta hand it to any moms with two or more kids at home on a regular basis.

Husband Chad’s kids, my step-kids, have been here for nearly a week. Three kids, two girls (aged 8 and 10) and a boy, 6. They’re on break from school this week, add that to the baby, and it makes for quite the busy day. I do have a mommy confession to make here, I have been letting the TV and DS (portable gaming) do some, ok more than I would like, ok a lot, of the babysitting. I can give you a million and five excuses on why this is, the main one being it is just easier. There I said it, easier!

Their hours of TV and gaming time have made me instill a new rule, Unplugged Time. Every day, for us it’s after lunch, we unplug all the devices; computers, TVs, DSs, basically anything electronic and go for a minimum of a 30 minute walk (weather permitting, which it has been). When we get home, we set the timer on the oven for an hour and a half and everyone, including me, must find something to do that doesn’t involve electronics. You’ll be surprise what you will learn from your kids when you put down the blackberry or iPhone or computer or whatever it is you are using to brainlessly pass the time throughout the day. Every parent knows it can be like pulling teeth to get a kid to open up (ask my mom), so I’m not saying this is the answer, but it can’t hurt. Like the good ole Dr. Phil says, “Once you are able to talk to your kids about anything, you can talk to them about everything.” See TV is good for something. But what he means is, when you can talk to your kids about the everyday mundane things that affect their lives; like their favourite colour, their favourite singer, their favourite dance moves, what they think about cats, dogs and rabbits, the hope is that line of communication and trust is open for when there’s something big to talk about like, sex, drugs and rock & roll. Every parent MUST have the convo with their children on how rock & roll shaped and redefined their lives or as I call it Rolling Stones 101.

I must admit an hour and a half doesn’t sound like enough yet, but it is a start and my intention is they will begin to love unplugged time and participate in it without me telling them to and without the timer on to tell them when they can plug back in. Plus, that 30 minute walk before Unplugged Time may be my only chance to work on my fitness while they are here.